X'mas eve...

It's X'mas eve and I'm feeling terribly unhappy. Why just a small wish, a simple wish as that can't be fulfilled? Just a movie, just a small gift for myself, why no? Why can't I have a thing as simple as that?
It wasn't me being not thankful but I'm just being self conscious. I know who am I too clearly so what? At least I'm the money-minded one or do you wish I am? Being around them just make me the dimmest light of all. Bet it's the first time I'm so unhappy during X'mas, sigh. Am I not being thankful to God? Sigh...